Idle

As you can see, I've bounced back to being really lazy.

Graduated officially for a month and I still can't get my ass to blog about it, nor the days that I've had hahahahahaha. Ah back from 10-days trip from QLD as well.

Sigh, I don't know how to feel now. As much as I'm excited for new beginnings, I'm scared as hell. The pace of living, living alone while juggling studies without the family and friends, starting anew in a brand new place, having a dream that I've had since secondary school coming true. It's all before my eyes. Barely left with a month in this little red dot. I know, I know very well that I don't deserve the opportunity going overseas to study with my family's financial situation. The other day Momsie was telling me that the neighbour couldn't understand why I could go for it but not himself, when his mother objected the idea of him going for UMelb. And Momsie never fails to remind me that I am truly blessed abundantly by the one above. It is impossible for her to send me over with her own might, but God sent an angel (really an angel, bc he's not related to me by blood in any way) to me. I understand that I should never take this opportunity for granted, that I should excel in my studies for it is something that I CLEARLY DO NOT DESERVE. It's just slightly sad that the ones that are related to me by blood doubt my abilities, and gave me false hopes of supporting me. That's another story though, but I guess this gives me another to work a lot harder than I should.

Which also leads me to being scared of not fulfilling people's expectations in me. I hate it when people pin their expectations upon me because I don't like to disappoint people. Not sure if it's pride but it never feels good to under-perform and have people looking down on you, right? It's in me that I tend to over-worry, though I know things aren't gonna be that bad, and I'll learn to survive eventually. Moreover I have someone watching me from above, I really shouldn't be feeling this way. But I just can't help it............... WHY >:(

Then again, I'm really blessed with friends that are giving me moral support silently. Yesheng sent me a quote the other day that says "One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." Joyce was telling me how I'll be able to pull through just like how I did in poly. Trina scolded me for worrying and assured me that everything will be fine and awesome. And there's Rachel, the captain that I looked up to and the senior that I can always annoy at shift who told me this..

I was really touched to see her message. :') She was meant to tell me these before I flew off for the family vacation but was too late. Ah the little things that keep me going, I'll always rely on these words to push myself further.

Also, I'm happier now that I've left the things behind, something that I should have done long ago. Then someone new comes along whom I will never have a chance with. Hmm, got me wondering why am I ALWAYS getting myself into the worst positions. But yea, I dare say I'm happier now, I guess.

Heh, spent the entire day slothing at home thanks to menstrual cramps. Had to cancel dental appointment bc I was literally paralyzed in bed. It was an unusual day though, my sisters and I stayed home the entire day altogether, something that hasn't happened in the longest time. Though we were all busy doing our own things, i.e me doing in bed, Charms on her laptop, Delia using the ipad for her dramas, I was feeling pretty satisfied to have their company. To be honest, I was never close to my sisters, got to admit that I'm quite a mean elder sister in the past, which resulted in us drifting apart. When the three of us are together, we'll always bound to be quarreling and fighting hahaha. However, I know that I'll miss these little things when I'm gone. Lucky me got to enjoy Delia's (with help from Momsie) lunch and Charm's dinner today!!! That reminds me that I've got to really get my game up with cooking..... >:( Bummed that I didn't help and learn alongside as they cooked..... Thanks a lot cramps!!!!!!!!!!!

Abrupt ending bc I'm sleepy (yes surprise surprise it's only 0126hrs). Gotta be up early for the beach with Sherms!!!!!!

Till next time,
Abz